Le Sigh ~
Wednesday’s are not my favorite day of the week. There are usually too many meetings, but there’s always at least this particular one that is guaranteed to happen on Wednesday. It is a hour long, but it feels like 3 hours. Nothing good about it. On top of it, people are awful in general as normal.
Feeling exhausted now.
So I wanted to dive into food to soothe my woes, and I did, partially, I somewhat held myself back, so that was an improvement. Still a bit of a cheat day though.
24 days in.
Ok … tomorrow is the start of a new week and a good day to start over. Ya… massive cheat day today too.
This is going to be short and sweet. Well, I don’t know how sweet. We all know how sweet I’ve been lately 😩
Today turned into an massive cheat day…
Today was much better. I think 12 hours of sleep might have something to do that with that possibly. Plus, I am secretly ecstatic that my plans got canceled this evening. I am staying in all night, I put on comfy clothes, and I’m allowing myself some red wine/the bottle.
Today I ate pretty decently.
Ok, back to relaxing. Happy weekend everyone! (Even though I have to work tomorrow).
Today marks day 7 and the official weigh in day. I am down 3.2 pounds. Cheat days and all! I know it won’t always be that way. It seems the more you need to lose the easier it comes off at first. Today was a massive cheat day. I started it out with pancakes and all kinds of other naughty things. Some homemade nachos where thrown in the mix today as well as some ice cream.
Some would say I was horrible. Some might say it happens, roll with it. Some might say try a little more discipline. Some of you are right. The struggle is real for me. Yes I could have done a better job of holding myself back today, but I am still learning. My inner voice is a smooth mother f#@%er right now. I talked myself right into not giving a F$%#. I am learning. I am being honest as I am journaling through it. I do realize things as I type them out sometimes. Listen, this losing weight thing is an entire process and I am going to learn all I can from it and grow as much as I can on the way.
In all honesty I haven’t had a clue how to do any of this the healthy way. It’s always been a struggle. If I wasn’t too busy feeling self conscious of myself and my body I was too busy restricting myself or doing all the wrong things to lose the weight. I’ve been skinny, but I didn’t get there by doing it the “right” way. I had an, I barely ate phase. I’ve had, a let’s purge my food phase. When I wasn’t doing those things I’d gain weight and be made fun of, even though it wasn’t much weight that I’d gain, I’d gain it fast. And those are just my late teen and early twenty years.
I’ve battled depression for almost all of my life. I’ve had bouts of depression where I didn’t leave my bedroom as a young teenager. You gain weight pretty fast when you don’t move.
Anyway, enough about all that. Now that I am able to be completely honest with myself, I think I can finally do this. I think that’s the first step. There’s a lot of things that I’ve been really real about this last year. It was a hard year. It was. I am thankful in away, for that bullsh!t toxic relationship that ended a year ago, because it really threw me into a whirlwind of self-improvement between then and now. I still have a long ways to go, but I am truly getting there.
Yup. That sums up my mood tonight.
Also this evening I am dealing with the urge to burry my emotions in some food.
Or in my case, the answer isn’t going to be found in a drive through or a late night run to a convenience store, in the bottom of a doritos bag, or jar of spinach dip. Oh man, or in the M&Ms bag… or the pizza box. I want all of the food, but I am staying strong.
Going to keep on keeping on. Must keep on keeping on.
Do you ever have hardcore cravings? How to you deal with it? Does it ever get easier?
P.S. DAY SIX