Something’s to self care 

At least 4 things that…

I’m thankful for


Positive things about myself 

And to remember 



Another day to try harder

Clean water

Roof over my head


I deserve respect

I’m important too 

My opinions matter

It’s ok to make mistakes, everyone does


Today is another chance at doing my best

I don’t have to tone down my true self

Not everyone will like you, and that’s ok

Don’t focus on the past, be in the present 


Online dating, GTFO

Beginning of this year sometime, I decided to go back on dating sites. Not a single person really interested me. I felt very skeptical of anyone and everyone. I blocked more men than I can even begin to tell you. Why did I block them? It didn’t take much. Usually a bad vibe or something I considered a red flag. It was easier blocking them right away, as soon as I felt I wouldn’t be interested, because it was easier to make them think I simply disappeared. For all they knew I deleted my account. Basically it was easier than telling them I wasn’t interested or ignoring their desperate pleas. Speaking of desperate, omg seriously, so – many – desperate – men out there. If it was all of that, or if it was me deciding I wasn’t ready to go back out there, I am not sure which was a bigger factor… but I am now off of the dating sites. Not feeling it. Nope. Oh also the guys that want a one nighter… so many of those. Gross. Block.

Oh, I should mention there was one guy that did pique my interest. We talked for a little while and moved to text,  but then there were so many red flags. I am too nice and have always been that way. Being too nice to back out was no longer an option. I pulled my big girl pants up and told him straight up that I was not interested. I threw out there that I wasn’t ready.

Then there’s another guy. Oh… I bet you’re interested in the red flags. I can’t even begin to list them off and still walk away with my head held high after I am finished with this blog. So I won’t get into all that.

I don’t know what I am doing. So that tells me I am not ready to be doing it.

Anyway, 2nd guy. Still texting him. But that has pretty much fizzled out. There was a lot of caution tape on that one. Still is. I think he lost interest in me. Which brings me to the next obstacle for me…

My weight.

I am real and upfront about it. Learning how to be anyway. Of course we all want to put our best selves out there for the best possible first impression. I often feel my pictures are too good or fool them. So I overcompensate if you will, in a way, by making it very clear that I am quite curvaceous. The my booty aint no joke. I think I overdo it, where it makes them feel I am self conscious, that I don’t like myself. I just don’t want that dreaded moment when we meet that they are let down. So maybe I am self conscious. Or maybe I am bitter and assume all will judge me.

See, I am not ready.

Ya, the right person won’t care about my weight. Ya, the right person will love me for who I am. Ya Ya Ya. I know. I get that.

My ex was oh so, so such a bad person for me. To me. That I am hyperaware of everyone. But again, too bitter? Too worried? Too much luggage? Too picky?

This is hard.

I am not ready. I hope I am ready one day. But I know it’s not today.