A week or so ago, I got called fat by two different people in one day. Both used it purely as an insult and to be mean. Guess what I am going to do with that? Using it to inspire my drive even more. They actually did the complete opposite of what they were intending. They helped me want to hit my goal even more. I turned their negativity into my power to rise above it. It didn’t even hurt me when they said it. There was a time that would have destroyed me. Their words don’t have power over me. Watch me kick some ass and hit my goals now lovelies.
Today was much better. I think 12 hours of sleep might have something to do that with that possibly. Plus, I am secretly ecstatic that my plans got canceled this evening. I am staying in all night, I put on comfy clothes, and I’m allowing myself some red wine/the bottle.
Today I ate pretty decently.
Ok, back to relaxing. Happy weekend everyone! (Even though I have to work tomorrow).
Today marks day 7 and the official weigh in day. I am down 3.2 pounds. Cheat days and all! I know it won’t always be that way. It seems the more you need to lose the easier it comes off at first. Today was a massive cheat day. I started it out with pancakes and all kinds of other naughty things. Some homemade nachos where thrown in the mix today as well as some ice cream.
Some would say I was horrible. Some might say it happens, roll with it. Some might say try a little more discipline. Some of you are right. The struggle is real for me. Yes I could have done a better job of holding myself back today, but I am still learning. My inner voice is a smooth mother f#@%er right now. I talked myself right into not giving a F$%#. I am learning. I am being honest as I am journaling through it. I do realize things as I type them out sometimes. Listen, this losing weight thing is an entire process and I am going to learn all I can from it and grow as much as I can on the way.
In all honesty I haven’t had a clue how to do any of this the healthy way. It’s always been a struggle. If I wasn’t too busy feeling self conscious of myself and my body I was too busy restricting myself or doing all the wrong things to lose the weight. I’ve been skinny, but I didn’t get there by doing it the “right” way. I had an, I barely ate phase. I’ve had, a let’s purge my food phase. When I wasn’t doing those things I’d gain weight and be made fun of, even though it wasn’t much weight that I’d gain, I’d gain it fast. And those are just my late teen and early twenty years.
I’ve battled depression for almost all of my life. I’ve had bouts of depression where I didn’t leave my bedroom as a young teenager. You gain weight pretty fast when you don’t move.
Anyway, enough about all that. Now that I am able to be completely honest with myself, I think I can finally do this. I think that’s the first step. There’s a lot of things that I’ve been really real about this last year. It was a hard year. It was. I am thankful in away, for that bullsh!t toxic relationship that ended a year ago, because it really threw me into a whirlwind of self-improvement between then and now. I still have a long ways to go, but I am truly getting there.
Yup. That sums up my mood tonight.
Also this evening I am dealing with the urge to burry my emotions in some food.
Or in my case, the answer isn’t going to be found in a drive through or a late night run to a convenience store, in the bottom of a doritos bag, or jar of spinach dip. Oh man, or in the M&Ms bag… or the pizza box. I want all of the food, but I am staying strong.
Going to keep on keeping on. Must keep on keeping on.
Do you ever have hardcore cravings? How to you deal with it? Does it ever get easier?
P.S. DAY SIX
Not one of my healthiest days. Picking it back up and moving on.
Got sick today while at work and had to come home. Came home to a sick dog that I had to clean up after while not feeling well myself. So that was fun. I was dealing with some pretty horrible stomach issues. Now that is gone, but I am left with a horrendous headache. No working out today due to events that unfolded that I explained above. I did eat pretty decently. I didn’t go grocery shopping yet, so that is a bummer. I do have a few healthy things on hand so I had a smoothie for breakfast, then breakfast for lunch and then some more breakfast for dinner. That means sausage and eggs in this case.
You know, a person doesn’t realize how many food commercials there really are while you are watching TV until you start watching what you eat. It’s craziness! And it’s advertising for bad, naughty, horrible for you, foods! I think that should be a major concern for this society. We are all so concerned with obesity in this nation, yet we consistently use trickery in advertisements trying to convince people they need to, “Eat this, and eat that! Look how amazing this is! It is SO good! Eat, eat, eat!” It’s like we are against ourselves.
This reminds me of something I saw the other day. I will dig it out and share it here.
Here it is:
Truth. So much truth. I really, REALLY, really want to lose this extra weight. I want to get really real about it. I have been in this fight for a really, really, REALLY, long time. I am ready to win this battle.
I gained weight, lost some, but gained back more, only to lose a little, then gain it back, and then gain more back. Oh and then lose a little, gain it back, lose it, gain it back. You get the idea. I am not sure that is really accurate. It might be many more instances of that yo-yoing weight loss/gain that actually took place for me. IT. GETS. OLD.
I have a friend that is starting this week off with me and getting healthy, cheering each other on. I have another friend that we are betting who can lose 20 pounds in two months, but yet we are still cheering for each other. I WANT TO WIN :D! It all started this morning.
Here is to keep on keeping on.