Hello my old friend

More attention has been swarming around depression. I hope these discussions never stop. Unfortunately after the dust settles it seems people forget and move on. Until it happens again and again. “It” is another suicide in the headlines.

What is mind boggling for me is to see how much we lack proper mental health care help and opportunities in this country. I remember not too long ago a healthcare facility that I work with eliminated their mental health department in the hospital. Um, what?! And I remember getting the courage to ask where those potential patients will go that need to be there. The answer, jokingly of course, “Why, are you looking for where you’ll need to go?” Um, what? I nervously laughed it off and that was the end of that. Right there sums up the general reaction and feelings towards mental health care. Again, um WHAT?! I still wonder why they eliminated this care and where these patients are supposed to go. This is just a small example of a growing problem. Most of these homeless people I have seen in larger cities are in need of placement in a facility for mental health either for brief treatment and medication or permanent. It is so sad it breaks my heart. Jails and prisons are full of people that are in dire need of mental health care. We just locked them away and forget about it.

Ok, so we don’t have many places for people to go. The places and treatment options that are available, are they affordable? What do most people end up doing? They self medicate. Either knowingly or unknowingly. They do drugs or they drink more (or in my case eat, eat, eat more) than they should. What other option do they have to escape these horrible, debilitating feeling of darkness?

I recently started seeing a counselor again. I have a good job and I have insurance. This is still expensive for me. I would rather not have to give out this additional money that I could use to pay off other debts. Seriously. What do others do that make less than me and have little or no insurance? I am sure there are programs. Let’s advertise them more and talk about them more if there are. Let’s advertise the hell out of it so when someone feels darkness creeping up they know exactly where to turn and how.  Not knowing how or where to start is something that stops many. I know it has stopped me before.

Mental health is the real deal. It needs to be taken more seriously by society. Understood better. No more sweeping it under the rug expecting it to just go away. It is not a sign of weakness.

People handle it in many different ways. The biggest smiles often tend to hide the most hurt.

 

 

 

 

 

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HAES

Health at Every Size…

A movement.

This has been intriguing me for awhile. I joined a private Facebook group that’s all about that. I had no idea what it was all about at that time, (still filling wrapping my head around it). I would see random postings from it appearing in my newsfeed. I didn’t fully understand it at first. Now I’m paying attention more and I plan on researching it lots. 

This moment is all about supporting people in adopting health habits for the sake of health and well-being. No focus on weight control. No diets, no obsessing or judging. They support each other on how to deal with a society where most people are trying to lose weight and obsess about every calorie, diets, pounds lost, etc. 

It’s all very positive and accepting. It’s hard to wrap my mind around it because my focus has always been about weight. About food. This is interesting. 

Work in progress 

Success-ish!

My entire place is almost 100% clean and organized. Just a few more boxes to go through and a trip or two to drop donations off. I have to admit it’s feeling pretty good. Weight loss? Not so much yet. I feel it’s coming. All of these things I’m doing to work on myself to grow, heal, and all that… it’s all coming into an alignment. I feel it’s all coming together. It’s interconnected and intertwined and all that. But I’ll be coming out renewed and awesome on the other side.

I didn’t forget…

I’m still here…

I haven’t felt like posting…

I’m struggle on this weight loss thing, but I’ll get there.

Until next time…

💜

Age … it’s really just a number 

Spare bedroom … getting there

Garage … getting there

The rest of my place is there!

Now to keep it that way. 

I feel as though I’m finally growing up… I don’t feel my age. Never have, never will. I don’t act it. And I don’t look it. It’s always taken me a little longer. Like this adulting thing. I think I might be getting the hang of it. Ya, I’m in my 30s, what? 😂

Speaking of being in my 30s… wtf? Why is time going by so fast? And it keeps going by faster, seriously. And you under 30 year olds, even under 20 year olds… 30 something isn’t as old as you think. I don’t feel old. I don’t feel any different. Lol 😂 but, I don’t wish I was younger. I am good right where I’m at. I wouldn’t go back and do any of it over. It was tough. Growing mentally. Wow, I sure thought I knew it all, or at least enough when I was younger. I’m realizing I didn’t and still don’t know it all, not even close. I was in such a hurry to go, go, go. I learned a lot of things the hard way. I wouldn’t change any of it because it help make me who I am. 

One piece of advice I’d offer to anyone that might listen, is really keep an open mind when someone older offers you advice, they have been where you are at one time. I would usually let it all go in one ear and out the other. I am trying to really listen and absorb any advice or wisdom 😉  I have nephews and a niece and I pick up the vibe that they don’t think I have good, relatable advice. I’m trying to figure out how to be who I needed when I was their age, but I find myself lecturing more than anything and that’s not what I’m intending, lol. And I feel for them. They are all pretty much teenagers. Those years are hard! Maybe not for everyone? But for me, very hard. 

To be honest… confessions of a honest girl

Often times my place has been a disaster. So much so that I have to make sure no one drops by unexpectedly. 

I’ve canceled plans because of not feeling like I could get it all done before someone came over. It’s made me feel overwhelmed.

When it’s clean and organized I feel amazing. I have yet to keep it that way. 

I have very rarely had my entire place clean and organized at the same time. There’s always a room or closest or cubboard or drawer (all of these or a couple of these at once) that’s off limits hiding the stuff I don’t know what to do with or don’t feel like going through. Much like the Monica closet on friends. 😂

I feel like this an outward display of what’s going on with me inside. I’m busy hurrying up and hiding the parts that aren’t healed, instead of taking the time to heal those parts. That way I have nothing to hide from anyone.

I feel like my weight personally, is the same thing. Its a complex accumulation of things I’m not dealing with, don’t know how to deal with, or don’t even realize there are certain things need to be dealt with.

I am absolutely not trying to offend any one. These my own thoughts that I have had about my own self.

Back to organzing, cleaning, and throwing out things.

Day 28

Happy Anniversary

WordPress has informed me that it’s been one year since I’ve signed up on here. It would be amazing to report that I have lost all the weight that I set out to lose when I originally started this blog. In my defense my true goal at the time was to heal and grow from an abusive relationship, and then lose weight. I have restarted this blog several times and there have been periods of time where I did not write anything in it. I do believe this is the longest I have kept up with it. I do not have any weight-loss to report at this time. I do think I am down again but nothing significant. I’m still on the yo-yo thing. I’m about where I was a week after I originally restarted this. I hope to report some weight-loss next week. 

My goal is to keep on keeping on. I’m trying not to feel a little bit bogged down by the fact that it has been a year since I started this blog. I really don’t have too much to report on from a year ago other than my ex is now completely out of my life, so actually that is a huge success. There was a lot of off and on BS for a little bit. And I continue to heal. I need to keep focused on the positive things that are happening. This is my journey, no one else’s. Mine might take longer than others, but that doesn’t matter.