Sleepy

Day 19

Happy Friday!

I am taking a nap!

B: Smoothie and breakfast sausage

L: Jimmy Johns Sub (bread AND mayo 😦 ) And  a HUUGE pickle

D: Sausage

S: Dark chocolate chips

 

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It gets heavy

I’m going to be completely honest, ever since I completely put my last relationship and contact with my ex in the past and behind me a couple months ago, I’ve been struggling. I lost some friendships and apparently, and well obviously to some, you can’t just snap you’re fingers and get that all back and make everything ok, happy, and smooth again. It’s been a struggle every step of the way. I was so low today I had the urge to contact him. I won’t. But this is when I’d used to give in, during these weak moments. He was always there for me. Mentally and physically abusive, but there for me. I am completely aware of how that sounds. My close friends don’t live near, the ones that do have full families, married and kids, I don’t have these things. I am not close with my family. We don’t call and talk on the phone. Any contact is because I initiate it. I literally have myself to depend on and that is all most of the time lately. I want to be strong, but let’s face it, some days are harder than others and it would be nice to be able to lean on someone to take some of the weight off.

I usually don’t feel this way, I can usually be hopeful and push through, but it’s hard sometimes. It gets heavy.

I lost one of my weight loss buddies. He apparently start dating someone, and lost interest in it/me? Which is weird. I never thought of us as more than anything other than friends.

My other weight loss buddy has been sick and busy with life.

Neither of these two have as much weight to lose as me.

Day 15 – I could have eaten better, but I did get out and move and walk and lift some weights.

 

Summary

If pictures are worth a thousand words… how much are pictures with words worth?

Today, these pictures sum up where I came from, where I am, and where I want to be.

Day 13

Wine-O Clock

Today was much better. I think 12 hours of sleep might have something to do that with that possibly. Plus, I am secretly ecstatic that my plans got canceled this evening. I am staying in all night, I put on comfy clothes, and I’m allowing myself some red wine/the bottle.

Today I ate pretty decently.

Ok, back to relaxing. Happy weekend everyone! (Even though I have to work tomorrow).

🙂

Wednesday :( Day 10

Man, work makes a girl crabby some days. Like today. Truth be told I have felt out of it all day. It just went downhill pretty quickly after a particular weekly meeting. The people in that meeting are difficult. I pick up on some bad vibes and just blah. It’s a tough one.

And then Stella was back at her tricks today. Told me and a group of people, that the idea we have to go back to is the one she suggested. Nope, it wasn’t. I corrected it in a nice way. But seriously, I think this chick is delusional. She believes these ideas and statements were her own even though I said them. People are weird. When a day sucks, dealing with this weird shit is just too much, when normally I can overlook it.

I didn’t walk much. I ate kind of OK, not the best.

Breakfast: 2 sausage with egg on flatbread from Dunkin Donuts

Lunch: half stack of ribs from Dickey’s Barbecue (no sauce) and some green beans (didn’t eat them all, wasn’t that great, I am not a fan)

Dinner: I forget the brand, but 2 diet small pizza microwave things

Snack: Natural Peanut Peanut and Dark Chocolate

I need to get my ass outside for a walk.

OK… here I go!

Food Diary Blurb

My breakfast: 2 eggs and sausage

Lunch: Smoothie (Carrots, Oranges, Pineapple, Ginger, Unsweetened Almond Milk, Ice) more sausage

Dinner: Panera Greek Salad and Turkey Chili

Goal: Eating Paleo, following the 80/20 rule

Water

Sparkling water

Coffee

Once my Sparkling water supply is depleted I shall quit it for a couple weeks for SCIENCE!

nutshell

I made a beautiful smoothie for breakfast/lunch today. I never know if I am going to have it for breakfast or lunch at the time I make it but, I know it’s one or the other. Anyway, I had it around lunchtime today and felt amazing immediately afterwards! And then… I got sick again. Same thing that happened to me the two other times after drinking a smoothie. I thought I had it narrowed down to, too much flaxseed, however today there was no flaxseed. As I was thinking through the ingredients I realized there were no same ingredients that I have used before… other than this particular mixed bag of frozen fruit. I had an inkling to stay away from it this morning, but I really needed some frozen fruit mixed in with the other fruit. I think that frozen bag of fruit is bad! It’s like peaches, strawberries, and pineapples. Maybe someone grabbed that bag at the store at some point in time and changed their mind, only to leave it outside the freezer until it thawed and then someone else tossed it back in. Or it’s just bad fruit. Maybe the company didn’t wash it before they froze it. There are so many questions. I am going to toss them out though. I feel better now, but DAMN it really knocks me down a few pegs… I was not feeling well at all.

Once I started feeling better I immediately wanted to eat. Thats my life in a nutshell. Happy? HUNGRY! Sad? HUNGRY! Sick? Usually still Hungry, except like today when it was making me want to throw up. Feel better after being sick? HUNGRY! Happy I am no longer sick? Let’s celebrate by eating! HA. Seriously though, the cravings for bad food kicked into high gear. I wanted chicken nuggets, even though ew, so gross. But I imagined dipping them in lots of sweet and sour sauce. Then I was like spaghetti, because spaghetti is always amazing. Then I made myself take a shower to simmer down and distract me. And here I am. Cravings have left me a bit, but it’s hard. Losing weight, getting healthy, not stuffing your face all the time when that’s what you do, it’s really difficult sometimes. You have to be strong. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to explain it. I know there’s some people that will never understand it, and lucky you! It’s a real problem for me. There’s no off button. There’s either holy sh!t I have to hold myself back, or there’s the F@#k it mode, aka EAT anything and everything cuz F*&k it! And then feel horrible for doing it.

So I love food. Ha. Duh! Right? It is so amazing though. Like, why does it have to be so good? Dammit! But, food is fuel. You are what you eat. It matters. Mentally and Physically, I really believe that it plays a pretty big part in all of that.

Day 9.

Mondays are Brutal. OH and I have a question about sparkling water.

Mondays are brutal for me. I know, pretty much everyone hates Mondays. I feel like I really have a problem though, I HATE Mondays. This morning was extra brutal for me with this time change. Time change is stupid. Since we are stuck with it, why can’t it happen on Friday at 4? “BAM, 5:00, time to go, seeeee yas”. It literally took me until 4:00pm today to feel human and be nice again.

Anyway, back on it today. Normal portion sizes and no naughty foods. I think I did pretty well. My FitBit says I’ve only gotten 5000 some steps, and that’s including the quick walk I squeezed in during a break and a walk I took the dogs on when I got home. Working at a desk job blows. There are ways I can move more though. I’ve done it before, hit 10,000 steps pretty consistently and more. I have yet to hit 10,000 steps since I restarted my weight loss journey. OH, Day  EIGHT today, btw.

Here’s my question. I’ve noticed some people say they cut out soda (obviously a good thing) and I’ve noticed other people say they have cut out all carbonated beverages. Does this mean sparking water is bad for you? Do some people stay away from it? If so, why? Even the sugar  free, sodium free, everything free, stuff? I like it. I drink it a lot. And I can’t help but wonder if it’s hurting my weight loss in anyway?  I drink Klarbrunn and La Croix. Thanks in advance!