One Day, 741 Carbs & 119g Sugar

A Typical “Cheat” Day, by GypsyWild.

P.S. Sometimes there could be 2 doughnuts or 2-3 beers, etc.

P.S.S.  Sometimes I would have more than one of these cheat days in a week.

P.S.S. I am sticking to around 16 carbs a day now and no sugar.

A Bag Of Doritos
1800 calories
204g carbs
12g sugar
2160mg sodium
96g fat

Jar Of Creamy Spinach Dip
650 calories
60g fat
3000mg sodium
30g carbs
10g sugar

A Frozen Pizza
2500 calories
90g fat
40g saturated fat
5200mg sodium
280g carbs
30g sugar

Doughnut, Chocolate Frosted
280 calories
16g fat
340mg sodium
34g carbs
14g sugar

Candy bar
280 calories
14g fat
140mg sodium
35g carbs
30g sugar

Beer
20 calories
4g carbs
4g sugar

Bottle of red wine
635 calories
30mg sodium
20g carbs

Big Breakfast With Hot Cakes, Fast food
1090 calories
56g fat
2150mg sodium
111g carbs
17g sugar

Breakfast Burrito, Fast Food
290 calories
15g fat
800mg sodium
26g carbs
2g sugar

I started thinking back to my, “cheat” days. I decided to look up the nutritional information. Wow.

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Random AF… welcome to my brain

I hardly did anything today. I guess it’s just one of those days. Instead of feeling guilty, I will let it go. Instead of being mad at myself, I will be understanding. Instead of thinking about how lazy I am, I will forgive myself for not wanting to do anything today. I think I want to try to be kinder to myself. Much like I’d be with a friend. Instead of my own worst enemy and my own worst critic. I think I will try to be more patient and more understanding.

So ya, I’m having one of those days.

Some things that I did do:

Read a lot and did a lot of research on obesity.

Ate a healthy breakfast.

Ate a healthy lunch.

Made a healthier snack/dessert option.

Why did I research obesity? You may be curious. Well, honestly, this weight thing has been getting me down. I have been trying to kick it’s ass for awhile, but it always ends up kicking mine. It’s frustrating. No, it’s beyond frustrating! So, I figured I will just throw myself into as much knowledge as possible about it until something clicks or something works for me. When I get all these pieces and place them where there need to be, maybe that is what I need. Then maybe one day I can help someone else that feels this way.

I was a skinny kid. Depression and anxiety introduced their nastiness to me when I was 14, (anxiety crept in a littler earlier and got heavier as time went on). Introduced themselves hard. I remember I packed on a little weight around the time I wouldn’t leave the house for weeks. Enough for those sweet girls in my class to tease me about it when I finally went back to school. I think I weighed 145 pounds? Oh to weigh 145 pounds again! I think I got up to 155 at one point, not sure. Then around the age of 20 I got down to 135. I was that weight about 2-3 years and then the extra weight slowly crept on. I think by the age of 25 I got up to 190. Got down to 175 at one point for a bit. Then got back up to 190 for awhile. 230 was my next “average weight” for awhile. Now I go between 275 and 255, it’s been that way for the last 3 years. I don’t want it to EVER creep past 275. I am at 265 now. I so badly want to see that scale go down, down, down. I picked 199 for my first goal weight. I want to be 199 so very badly. I would be under 200 pounds for the first time in 5 years! If I can go beyond 199 at some point and time, great. That’s not for me to worry about right now. I want to hit my goal of 199 first. I have been struggling for so long that it feels like this glorious piece of  beautiful warm sunshine that I keep getting further and further away from.

So, back to my point on why I’ve been submerging myself into learning about obesity. Let’s back up for a second again… only very recently have I admitted to myself that I have an actual problem. That I can’t stop overeating. That I am not at a healthy weight. Like, I have really been working on being truly honest with myself. What is that honesty? I am miserable. I don’t want to travel in planes. I don’t want to go places with my skinny friends. I am tired of forcing myself to rise above all the negativity and just accept myself. Because for me personally, this is not where I want to be, and it’s all exhausting to pretend. It’s a struggle every single day and it kicks my ass. I have to hide that. So that I can smile and appear OK. I am tired.

A lot of times in my life I worry about speaking my truth. I dont’t want to offend or make people upset. I realized though, and I want to draw the point home that this is my journey, my life, my honesty, and my truth.

I watched a documentary last night, well some of it. It was pretty hardcore. I had to not look a lot of the time because I cannot handle the sight of someone getting a shot, let alone getting cut open. The documentary had some good insights and other pieces that made it worth watching to me. Knowing the actual extent of the things that obesity does to your body is a good eye opening experience.

Obesity: The Postmortem. On Netflix.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you, if you do decide to watch it. I mean, yes we know being overweight isn’t healthy. We know we don’t choose this. We know some people that are struggling harder than others for other reasons. I think it’s important to know the truth. About the damage it causes. Both mentally and physically, and that’s the tricky part! Sometimes the mental part causes the physical part. We need to realize that it’s something we need to help people with, not just look away and accept it as the new normal. Yes, we are all beautiful. Each and every one of us. But the fact of the matter is, it’s not healthy.

I am also diving into and gathering information on healthy food and the benefits of healthy foods. This is my other tacit on getting myself off this overeating business. Yes, we know veggies, fruit, proteins, organic foods are healthy. Yes, we know process food is bad and lots of sugar is bad. Then that’s the extent of where most people let their minds go. When they slip and go back into old bad habits, it’s like, “oh well”. But when you start to realize just how damaging it all is, it takes it to a different level.

I want to get myself healed. I want to get myself to the point of using foods for  health. I want to use it for healing. Eat food for it’s nourishment and ability to cure. Instead of the way I am and have been using it, which has been damaging on many levels.

 

 

Things I tell myself

“One last day, and then tomorrow I will be healthy”

“Monday, I will start eating better”

“I will start tomorrow”

“Since I am starting tomorrow, I will eat a huge dinner tonight”

“I will eat whatever I want today, and then start next week”

“I will pig out today and just make it a cheat day”

“Well, I didn’t do well today, so I better try again next week”

Seriously… I need to get it together.

 

 

On the move 

Those coconut wraps that I posted about trying the other day, I tried them twice now and love them. Great substitute for bread or tortillas, etc. 
I’m 25 days in now, and doing so-so. My Fitbit has got me moving again. I’ve been competing against friends and let me tell you, it’s a fantastic motivator for me to have some friendly competition. I’ve been averaging 10,000 or more steps a day. That’s compared to 2-3000 some steps before. 

M-o-v-I-n-g——-I-t-!

21

Ok … tomorrow is the start of a new week and a good day to start over. Ya… massive cheat day today too.

Sleepy

Day 19

Happy Friday!

I am taking a nap!

B: Smoothie and breakfast sausage

L: Jimmy Johns Sub (bread AND mayo 😦 ) And  a HUUGE pickle

D: Sausage

S: Dark chocolate chips

 

It gets heavy

I’m going to be completely honest, ever since I completely put my last relationship and contact with my ex in the past and behind me a couple months ago, I’ve been struggling. I lost some friendships and apparently, and well obviously to some, you can’t just snap you’re fingers and get that all back and make everything ok, happy, and smooth again. It’s been a struggle every step of the way. I was so low today I had the urge to contact him. I won’t. But this is when I’d used to give in, during these weak moments. He was always there for me. Mentally and physically abusive, but there for me. I am completely aware of how that sounds. My close friends don’t live near, the ones that do have full families, married and kids, I don’t have these things. I am not close with my family. We don’t call and talk on the phone. Any contact is because I initiate it. I literally have myself to depend on and that is all most of the time lately. I want to be strong, but let’s face it, some days are harder than others and it would be nice to be able to lean on someone to take some of the weight off.

I usually don’t feel this way, I can usually be hopeful and push through, but it’s hard sometimes. It gets heavy.

I lost one of my weight loss buddies. He apparently start dating someone, and lost interest in it/me? Which is weird. I never thought of us as more than anything other than friends.

My other weight loss buddy has been sick and busy with life.

Neither of these two have as much weight to lose as me.

Day 15 – I could have eaten better, but I did get out and move and walk and lift some weights.

 

Summary

If pictures are worth a thousand words… how much are pictures with words worth?

Today, these pictures sum up where I came from, where I am, and where I want to be.

Day 13

Wine-O Clock

Today was much better. I think 12 hours of sleep might have something to do that with that possibly. Plus, I am secretly ecstatic that my plans got canceled this evening. I am staying in all night, I put on comfy clothes, and I’m allowing myself some red wine/the bottle.

Today I ate pretty decently.

Ok, back to relaxing. Happy weekend everyone! (Even though I have to work tomorrow).

🙂