On the moveĀ 

Those coconut wraps that I posted about trying the other day, I tried them twice now and love them. Great substitute for bread or tortillas, etc. 
I’m 25 days in now, and doing so-so. My Fitbit has got me moving again. I’ve been competing against friends and let me tell you, it’s a fantastic motivator for me to have some friendly competition. I’ve been averaging 10,000 or more steps a day. That’s compared to 2-3000 some steps before. 

M-o-v-I-n-g——-I-t-!

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21

Ok … tomorrow is the start of a new week and a good day to start over. Ya… massive cheat day today too.

Sleepy

Day 19

Happy Friday!

I am taking a nap!

B: Smoothie and breakfast sausage

L: Jimmy Johns Sub (bread AND mayo šŸ˜¦ ) And Ā a HUUGE pickle

D: Sausage

S: Dark chocolate chips

 

It gets heavy

I’m going to be completely honest, ever since I completely put my last relationship and contact with my ex in the past and behind me a couple months ago, I’ve been struggling. I lost some friendships and apparently, and well obviously to some, you can’t just snap you’re fingers and get that all back and make everything ok, happy, and smooth again. It’s been a struggle every step of the way. I was so low today I had the urge to contact him. I won’t. But this is when I’d used to give in, during these weak moments. He was always there for me. Mentally and physically abusive, but there for me. I am completely aware of how that sounds. My close friends don’t live near, the ones that do have full families, married and kids, I don’t have these things. I am not close with my family. We don’t call and talk on the phone. Any contact is because I initiate it. I literally have myself to depend on and that is all most of the time lately. I want to be strong, but let’s face it, some days are harder than others and it would be nice to be able to lean on someone to take some of the weight off.

I usually don’t feel this way, I can usually be hopeful and push through, but it’s hard sometimes. It gets heavy.

I lost one of my weight loss buddies. He apparently start dating someone, and lost interest in it/me? Which is weird. I never thought of us as more than anything other than friends.

My other weight loss buddy has been sick and busy with life.

Neither of these two have as much weight to lose as me.

Day 15 – I could have eaten better, but I did get out and move and walk and lift some weights.

 

Summary

If pictures are worth a thousand words… how much are pictures with words worth?

Today, these pictures sum up where I came from, where I am, and where I want to be.

Day 13

Wine-O Clock

Today was much better. I think 12 hours of sleep might have something to do that with that possibly. Plus, I am secretly ecstatic that my plans got canceled this evening. I am staying in all night, I put on comfy clothes, and I’m allowing myself some red wine/the bottle.

Today I ate pretty decently.

Ok, back to relaxing. Happy weekend everyone! (Even though I have to work tomorrow).

šŸ™‚

Not any betterĀ 

I’m not getting enough sleep. This is most definitely my problem. People are amazingly more annoying with some sleep deprivation. I gave someone the death glare/stare today at a meeting. She shushed me while she started a meeting. Like whaaaaaa someone asked me a question b!tch and we are whispering. Other people did that throughout the meeting, but apparently they can do it. Wtf? I just cannot people today. At all. Issues are amplified on days and weeks like this. 

I should mention that I have sleep apnea, obstructed sleep apnea. I’m assuming something changed or got worse. 

Also it’s day 11. 

Breakfast: 2 breakfast burritos 

Lunch: chicken noodle soup and a BLT salad 

Dinner: 2 of those lean cuisine small pizza 

Snack: dark chocolate and natural peanut butter 

Wednesday :( Day 10

Man, work makes a girl crabby some days. Like today. Truth be told I have felt out of it all day. It just went downhill pretty quickly after a particular weekly meeting. The people in that meeting are difficult. I pick up on some bad vibes and just blah. It’s a tough one.

And then Stella was back at her tricks today. Told me and a group of people, that the idea we have to go back to is the one she suggested. Nope, it wasn’t. I corrected it in a nice way. But seriously, I think this chick is delusional. She believes these ideas and statements were her own even though I said them. People are weird. When a day sucks, dealing with this weird shit is just too much, when normally I can overlook it.

I didn’t walk much. I ate kind of OK, not the best.

Breakfast: 2 sausage with egg on flatbread from Dunkin Donuts

Lunch: half stack of ribs from Dickey’s Barbecue (no sauce) and some green beans (didn’t eat them all, wasn’t that great, I am not a fan)

Dinner: I forget the brand, but 2 diet small pizza microwave things

Snack: Natural Peanut Peanut and Dark Chocolate

I need to get my ass outside for a walk.

OK… here I go!

nutshell

I made a beautiful smoothie for breakfast/lunch today. I never know if I am going to have it for breakfast or lunch at the time I make it but, I know it’s one or the other. Anyway, I had it around lunchtime today and felt amazing immediately afterwards! And then… I got sick again. Same thing that happened to me the two other times after drinking a smoothie. I thought I had it narrowed down to, too much flaxseed, however today there was no flaxseed. As I was thinking through the ingredients I realized there were no same ingredients that I have used before… other than this particular mixed bag of frozen fruit. I had an inkling to stay away from it this morning, but I really needed some frozen fruit mixed in with the other fruit. I think that frozen bag of fruit is bad! It’s like peaches, strawberries, and pineapples. Maybe someone grabbed that bag at the store at some point in time and changed their mind, only to leave it outside the freezer until it thawed and then someone else tossed it back in. Or it’s just bad fruit. Maybe the company didn’t wash it before they froze it. There are so many questions. I am going to toss them out though. I feel better now, but DAMN it really knocks me down a few pegs… I was not feeling well at all.

Once I started feeling better I immediately wanted to eat. Thats my life in a nutshell. Happy? HUNGRY! Sad? HUNGRY! Sick? Usually still Hungry, except like today when it was making me want to throw up. Feel better after being sick? HUNGRY! Happy I am no longer sick? Let’s celebrate by eating! HA. Seriously though, the cravings for bad food kicked into high gear. I wanted chicken nuggets, even though ew, so gross. But I imagined dipping them in lots of sweet and sour sauce. Then I was like spaghetti, because spaghetti is always amazing. Then I made myself take a shower to simmer down and distract me. And here I am. Cravings have left me a bit, but it’s hard. Losing weight, getting healthy, not stuffing your face all the time when that’s what you do, it’s really difficult sometimes. You have to be strong. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to explain it. I know there’s some people that will never understand it, and lucky you! It’s a real problem for me. There’s no off button. There’s either holy sh!t I have to hold myself back, or there’s the F@#k it mode, aka EAT anything and everything cuz F*&k it! And then feel horrible for doing it.

So I love food. Ha. Duh! Right? It is so amazing though. Like, why does it have to be so good? Dammit! But, food is fuel. You are what you eat. It matters. Mentally and Physically, I really believe that it plays a pretty big part in all of that.

Day 9.